Passion.

Last year I read a little, second hand book that was written in the 70’s. A book that smells old like my great grandmothers house, the pages of the book now orange and musty. The kind that I enjoy. The front cover is of a woman with short brown hair, a heavy fringe and a white dressing gown, a lot of leg and shoulder. So much so, a friend asked if I was reading an exotic novel.

As I read the pages on my balcony, basking in the sunshine on a daybed with my lemon water, I was concentrating so intently. The fourth neighbour across is tone deaf and often screams to music with his headphones on (blocking out the sound of his own voice). That’s the only thing with balcony’s lining up down a street, the sound seems to carry so clearly. All us neighbours seem to be overly tolerant as you can tell he is more then passionate.

Passion. I’m no longer certain of what I’m passionate about..

The last several weeks this has been rotating around my mind as I realised I no longer have passion for any particular thing. And when you lack passion, you lack motivation, right? And a lack of motivation steams to a lack of purpose… Well this seems to be the case for me.

It’s as though my days are played in slow motion but time is in fast forward. I hope some of you understand this unusual phenomenon I’m describing. I’ve come to realise that I’m not satisfied or fulfilled with my life. As though the colours have faded a little and the imagery has become blurred, or ever so slightly out of focus.

It’s as though I’m alive but not living, and with social media being incredibly prevalent, it’s hard to tell if anyone else is sitting in a similar category. I understand that I am incredibly lucky, in so many ways and I honestly have nothing to complain about. Can’t I just be grateful for everything I already have?

It’s becoming evident that it’s not. I’m not a risk taker, I’m not careless and it’s seeming as though this works to my detriment. I’ve come to realise I’m a very careful, thought driven individual.

~~~ CRINGE ~~~

I could do everything to avoid being this person. But then I wouldn’t be me. I’d be another uncomfortable version of myself pretending to love spontaneity 24/7. Anyone who actually takes the time to get to know me, knows this is so far from who I am.

I enjoy a great many things, simply none of which I am passionate - as yet.

Do you have any tips on passion? Wanna help a fellow human out? Please, get in touch.