Emotional You.

Sometimes we don't always fit the mould. Better yet, I'm not sure we can ever fit into a mould we ourselves didn't create. Individuals are often placing limitations through fear, control, love. And to them, this appears as guidance. Judgement is cast all too often and we fear being ourselves more then anything. Scared of sharing ourself, being ourself, accepting ourself and just getting really comfortable. I often believe I'm getting closer to accepting myself - and then I learn something new - and I feel as though I'm back at square one. I'm not often sure what is 'right' or 'wrong' but I'm sure I am growing and maturing as a human being on this earth. I shouldn't push for much more then that. 

The universe has continually stopped me from travelling this year. From booking November flights, receiving a confirmation text, but no email. When I called they said there was no record of my booking. My flight home from Melbourne was cancelled and became a $700 round trip when I had to book a new flight on the same day. And more recently going in for emergency surgery and having to cancel my three and a half week adventure to America. The universe has been challenging me with more then just travel battles and I'm still trying to figure out how best to achieve the things I want the most. 

I struggle with people (don’t we all). The choices they make, the things they say and the negative individuals they choose to keep around. Majority of the time, what is 'logical' to someone is often not common sense to me. I shouldn't question peoples choices, but if they have a direct impact on me, it is near impossible to separate. 

I am a very planned, straight line kinda gal. I suppose when lines are smudged, moved or never return, I struggle to find stability or comfort. I'm quickly discovering the whole adult thing to be very confronting. I've also discovered many adults choose to stay as teens. Their body mature but their mind unreasonable, rattled, scattered and wanting to stay 'young' forever. Our society has pitched getting older as some horrid burden where your life slows down and the fun disappears. In all honesty, I have such distaste for my 20's so far.

I know individuals should accept everything of the other, and you should be able to ‘spill the beans’ with those you love most. Sadly, it's become apparent that most have an agenda. Quality time or what should be a simple catch up doesn’t seem to be the case anymore. It's filled with boundaries, rules, expectation and at times disappointment. Let down after let down as people give you false promises and empty words. It's starting to sound as though I'm not surrounded with good people... don't get me wrong, I’ve got 100% of the best. I am simply tuned into the intentions of new people entering my life - willingly or unwillingly. 

I am looking for my people but still struggling to find my ground. Finding them feels as though it could be life times away.

In the meantime, I'll be here creating the best mind I can. 

CA